Change
by kr kill
Summary: oneshot. 383. His smiles are nothing but lies. His laughs are nothing of joy. That was him before they met. When they did, his love became the only truth to hold.


Pairing: Sanzo/Hakkai

A/N: This is my very first Sanzo/Hakkai one-shot so please bear with me. Do hope you like it and don't forget to review. I know it's a little angst at fist, I just can't help it. Thanks for reading I'll try to update the next chapter of Forbidden Love as soon as I figure something in the story plot, sorry guys. The story here is also a bit to OOC don't you think? Well its what made the story fun to make. Well I don't know about title but after awhile of vacation finally I wrote something progressive. Somehow the title even sounds weird to me. I didn't even summarized it well, sorry but here goes nothing. I won't hold you back anymore.

Disclaimer: I don't own Saiyuki, Minekura Kazuya does.

Summary: He smiles but still he's alone, after his silent plea. Still he fears, too blind to see, too deaf to hear and even feel the truth but somehow when he finally let go things changed and love waits for the mind, the heart and the soul of believers.

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Change

By: KaedeRukawa_kill

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*start*

_They saw me smiling all the way,_

_Calm, collected and somewhat may._

_Laughing always amidst the pain,_

_Always walking in the right lane._

_Yet they never knew the man inside,_

_Unknown to all what happens in his mind._

_His heart that feels alone,_

_And sadness seeping passed his soul._

_Despite his concealed attitude,_

_And always surprising mood._

_Among the long ways and crowds,_

_Someone heard his shouts._

_And in the silence of the night,_

_Somehow finally understood._

_Opposites they may seem,_

_But who knows what fate might bring._

"Aishiteru Hakkai."

I heard that, felt what you mean but maybe I am too blind to even believe.

"Are you sure?" I even asked flashing my always-ready smile.

You looked at me stupefied, maybe wondering if I was even myself.

"You've changed, Hakkai, changed…"

And I let you walk out the door, out of my life maybe.

But still I stood there looking at the space you left like nothing happened, heeding no attention to my heart, my soul and even my mind.

Next thing I knew, Goku was going to sleep at our room.

*******

The sun was shining bright this day, Goku was hungry as usual and Gojyo would of course interrupt and start their usual bickering but when I thought everything turned out normal like nothing happened last night, I was wrong. I was very very wrong. Sanzo remained there quiet and distant, he even sat at the back just so he can avoid me, just so he could forget.

_Maybe I was blind,_

_Afraid to face the truth._

_Deaf to feel and hear,_

_Afraid to lose myself._

_Distant in a way,_

_Never admitting my mistake._

_Holding on for dear life,_

_Avoiding love in every way._

_My mind may scream,_

_My heart can beat._

_My soul removed,_

_Yet I myself would not react._

_Through the eyes I saw,_

_The pureness of his words._

_And finally I gave up and let go,_

_To the present love of my life._

And suddenly I realized how much I hated myself for doing what I did. That I love you too and despite the feeling I've come to fear since /her/ death, I still fell.

But is it ever too late?

Suddenly it started to rain, pouring hard with thunder roaring at me.

…Telling me how stupid I have become, stupid that I let go…after such the long years

*******

And our journey continued, until months passed and Gojyo finally noticed the awkward silence between us…between Genjou Sanzo and Cho Hakkai.

You interrupted, told him it was nothing, said you were not in the mood.

You ignored me…completely. Shut me out, made me feel the same way before and still I could never hate you cause it was and will always be my fault.

I let you suffer and if this is the only way to get you back, I'd be happy to wait. Wait all my life for you to see, I was wrong.

_Every night I watch the moon,_

_Until sleep can claim me._

_And sometimes I even wish,_

_That I can die right here and there._

_Cause I made a fool of myself,_

_And everything I gained is lost once again._

_If only I can turn back time,_

_I'll choose you surely and never will let go._

_Everyone noticed my sudden change,_

_The smiles slowly disappeared one by one._

_And somehow I know you pity me,_

_But now you let your pride take your fate._

_Every pain I feel,_

_I keep it deep in me._

_Not wanting anyone to suffer too,_

_And even if death claims me I'll be there, waiting._

I merely smile after the events and I knew you noticed it too.

Along the way we trudged, continued our journey to the west despite the sadness deep inside.

I have changed, you said. And I came back for you, but maybe, maybe I was too darn late.

***Screech***

I hit the brakes immediately, youkais found us again. I'm getting too tired of this, too tired of the same old things happening around this journey, this never ending battle against…everything.

This were no ordinary as I thought, they were able to injure us badly especially me, cause of my constant thinking and monologue for myself.

I saw something, rushing towards you, preparing to kill you.

After all I have done this may be the only way for you to forgive me and hear my silent plea that I know you ignored since then.

"Sanzo, watch out!"

You were too late so I blocked myself without a single hesitation.

*Bang*

You shot the youkai after such events.

"S-sanzo…" I whispered barely audible.

Finally you noticed, finally you looked at me with concern. But maybe it is too late.

"Hakkai, why?"

"I-I was s-so…s-stupid…of-f c-course I-I l-love y-you t-too…" And everything turned black as I lost consciousness or maybe even my life.

"H-h-akkaiiiiiiiiiiiiiii…"

*******

_Finally I opened,_

_Let my heart take over._

_My mind speak,_

_And my soul glad._

_Is it too late,_

_My fate has been decided._

_Without hesitation I risked my life,_

_Surrendered for my love._

_At least I was able to speak,_

_He heard me I know._

_I was able to save him,_

_Protect him with everything I have._

_But still I can't let go,_

_Cause I need to learn_

_To hear your voice,_

_And to know you still love me back._

I opened my eyes and saw an unfamiliar ceiling but then I felt a warm breath by my side.

"Sanzo…"

I guess you were there looking after me, I thought I lost my life.

You stirred and finally opened your own amethyst eyes, such beauty.

"Hakkai, your awake."

"Hn, what happened?"

"After you faint, we hurriedly went to the nearest village and here you are, you better rest. I'll get some food," he answered as he stood up ready to leave the room.

I grabbed his wrist not wanting to let go.

"Wait, Sanzo tell me. Did you hear what I said?"

He nodded.

I smiled a sad one and continued, "so it is too late…"

Tears dropped from my eyes.

It was too late, too late…

I let go of his wrist and stood up despite the urging pain.

"Don't…" He tried to say.

"You should've let me die, Sanzo. I'm not hungry, excuse me but I'm going to have a walk first," I interrupted giving him a bitter smile as a reassurance.

And yet tears dropped from my eyes.

I'm such a fool, idiot…I guess I somehow wish I never woke up and just died.

And in the middle of the hallway, I heard something.

"Hakkai, wait…"

I turned around to see him, now standing in front of me.

"What?" I asked, not really sounding myself.

"Now I understand, so you were telling the truth…" He whispered quietly.

I nodded and turned away.

"Too late…" I said silently.

"No its not…"

I looked at him.

Could it be? Is it…?

"I still…I know how much you waited, I saw you change and now, finally I understand and I certainly still value you, Hakkai."

As my tears finally stop, I gave my very first sincere smile since that night.

"Aishiteru Hakkai."

All the years of loneliness will be gone, as a new path opens itself. Fate brought you to me as my savior in those years of longing and through the pain.

"Aishiteru Sanzo."

Finally, I'm with you and I'll never feel lonely once again.

Beneath the moonlight we kissed, as he wrapped his arms around my neck while I wrapped mine against his waist.

_A new day has began,_

_Without my fear,_

_Now and then I'm at peace,_

_Since he came in my life._

_Death that bounded as together,_

_As what past await our once loved ones._

_And the same roaring and rain,_

_That made as understand._

_Love that was first impossible,_

_Far and out of reach._

_Fate that brought as together,_

_The result was so well pleased._

_And here we walk side by side,_

_Through the pain and sufferings._

_Together forever,_

_As we journey to the west._

A/N: I can't believe this but at least I made something I think nice? Well its up to you to judge is it that bad? So do review…and tell me how you feel, your comments, suggestions, flame, recommendations or whatever you feel to tell me. Thanks gotta run, ja!


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